I was set to sing a hymn in front of a packed church. I wasn’t nervous because I was used to singing in front of crowds. I had practiced and was ready. So what happened next baffled me for years to come. I began singing when a quarter way through the song, I began to cry. It was an intense cry that quickly turned into weeping. I covered my face as the tears flowed. My weeping pierced the silence of the crowd. Thankfully the church began to sing the well known hymn and finished the song for me. I sat down feeling humiliated and perplexed. What happened? Fast forward 25 years. I was brewing coffee when in a vision God took me back to that exact traumatic moment. I saw myself in front of hundreds of people, covering my face, weeping. When I sensed the Lord say, “the reason you broke down was because you felt the heaviness of my glory. I covered you in my glory”. Wow mystery solved! But why now Lord, after so many years? I’m in a season where the Lord is helping me unlearn what was errantly taught to me. He’s demolishing legalistic views and teaching me the truth and depth of his love. You see the night before I got up to sing on that fateful day in church, I had lived a night of sin. I was engaging in premarital sex, drinking alcohol and doing things that totally dishonored Jesus. So God covering me with his glory didn’t make sense. It went against everything I ever learned about God. He should have smited me. He should have struck me with lightning and turned me to ash for serving him with dirty hands but instead he chose to cover me with his goodness and as a result broke me to my core. I was living a double life, unleashing the desires of my flesh but “acting” like a righteous Christian on Sunday. I was devotedly serving him in front of others but denying him in private. At the time his glory convicted me so intensly, that I decided to change my ways. I repented of my sin and decided to pursue Jesus.
God’s love is incomprehensible. His ways are a mystery that we will never understand nor quantify. If you find yourself in a similar situation, God loves you and wants you to repent back into his arms. He’s not going to shun you nor turn you away. He will show you his goodness and celebrate your return. Stop running. Stop “acting” because he sees all, you can’t fool him. He’s aware of your sinful state and still loves you. Let him cover you with his glory which will break the wall you’ve created to keep him out of your life. He awaits your return, his precious prodigal son.
Be blessed ❤️ Shayla
so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ,Ephesians 3:17-18